Some groundbreaking new research has revealed new details on one of the most influential figures in world history, and it’s safe to say that nothing will ever be the same again: Historians now believe that Napoleon Bonaparte was a perfect cube.
Excuse us while we pick our jaws up off the floor. This is an absolutely amazing discovery that’s destined to completely rewrite the history books.
The exciting new information about Napoleon’s geometry is based on recently discovered documents such as diary entries and portraits dating back to the late 18th and early 19th century, many of which provide extensive and highly compelling evidence that the man who declared himself Emperor of France and conquered much of Europe possessed perfectly cubic dimensions.
“When historians are attempting to determine Napoleon’s shape, we look at primary source documents such as a letter that Napoleon wrote to Tsar Alexander I of Russia in which he says things like, ‘I’m a cube,’ and, ‘My dear Alexander, I’m the shape of a box,’” says Andrea Mills, a professor of French history and political science at Duke University. “When you combine statements like these with contemporary portraits from Napoleon’s time that depict a perfectly cube-shaped Napoleon struggling to fit through an average doorway, and the unmistakably square waistline on several surviving pairs of his hunting pants and military uniforms, the conclusion that Napoleon was a cube becomes inescapable.”
Professor Mills also says that this new discovery puts to rest once and for all the common misconception that Napoleon was short. According to Professor Mills, there is now “widespread consensus” among historians that Napoleon was 5’7’’ tall—an above-average height for his era—as well as 5’7’’ wide and 5’7’’ long.
“Napoleon wasn’t an enormous cube, but it wouldn’t be accurate to say that he was a tiny cube either,” Professor Mills says. “When the people of France saw Napoleon rolling down the street, they would often say, ‘Here comes that normal-sized cube that is in charge of our lives.’”
Totally fascinating! It’s so cool that even after all this time we’re still learning new things about the past! Now that we know Napoleon was a cube, our understanding of French history has totally changed. Who knows what awesome new truths about the past historians will uncover next!
