It may not even be summer yet, but we’re pretty sure we’ve already got our vote for Father of the Year locked in after hearing about this: When this teen was being bullied in the locker room for being uncircumcised, his dad came in and explained to the entire school how much easier being uncut makes it to jerk off.
Amazing!
Ever since 14-year-old Michael Rory’s classmates noticed that he was uncircumcised in the shower after swimming one day, his life at school has been hell. With his classmates relentlessly mocking him with cruel nicknames such as “alien dick” and “the Human Shar Pei,” Michael finally had enough and approached his dad, Ted, and asked if he could get circumcised. But Ted had another idea: After making a call to the principal of the school, Ted showed up ready to defend his son from his bullies in front of the entire grade in the gymnasium by describing how the foreskin helps keep the glans moist and acts almost as a natural pocket pussy while jerking off, making it much easier for his son to masturbate.
Using a PowerPoint presentation, a homemade video, and various props, Ted absolutely killed it as a dad for a full 30 minutes, explaining, “Having a foreskin means your hand never needs to directly touch the head of your dick when you jack off,” while inspiring music played from the gym’s PA system. “When my uncircumcised son jerks off, he can squeeze as hard as he wants to because his foreskin provides a protective layer of cushioning and lubrication that allows for more direct pressure without chafing. The soft skin dangling from the end of an uncut penis provides a unique sensation that can’t be replicated when you’re circumcised.”
“Not to mention the fact that uncircumcised cocks are more sensitive than cut ones,” he continued, gesturing to a photo-filled PowerPoint slide detailing the erogenous hot-spots of the human penis and the diminished orgasmic intensity one experiences with an unsheathed meatus. “That means my son, Michael, can cum faster than his circumcised peers and without the need of expensive lubricants and toys. It’s basically like having a built-in vagina on the end of his dick at all times that he can fuck at will. In comparison, jerking off when you have a cut dick is like fucking a bowl of hot, dry sand. While the uncut guys are still in their bedroom trying to figure out how to nut in frustration, my kid is already outside skateboarding with his balls drained.”
Wow! This, folks, is how parenting is done.
If only all dads were this loving and supportive. There’s no way bullies will mess with Michael now after his dad’s incredible presentation. He’ll be able to walk tall and proud down the halls knowing that his uncircumcised cock affords him a superior masturbatory experience. Turns out having an “alien dick” is actually pretty cool after all!
