In 2016, many grave robbers repeatedly dug up sweet Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass under the cover of night and did many embarrassing things with it. This happened hundreds of times all year long, but these five stood out as the most embarrassing things grave robbers did with sweet Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass in 2016.
1. The grave robbers added sweet Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass into a nativity scene as a fourth wise man who brought the baby Jesus a book called How To Murder People Even Though You Are Just A Baby: This was such a bad and nasty thing to do to sweet Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass! The grave robbers dug up the incredible Reagan and made it look like he was giving the baby Jesus the gift of a book about how to do murder. This is an example of lying! If Ronald Reagan had met the baby Jesus, he would not have given him a book about how to kill people. He would have given the baby Jesus a nice book, like something called An Infant’s Guide To Smiling. Instead, everyone came from miles around to laugh at how sweet Ronald’s wonderful carcass was giving Jesus a murder book! So embarrassing.
2. The grave robbers replaced the football at the Super Bowl with sweet Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass and a man kicked him through the air for a field goal: This was so sad! The grave robbers dug up Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass and switched it in for the football at the Super Bowl. The kicker from the Denver Broncos gave a mighty kick, and Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass sailed through the air, presidential arms all flopping around and his legs jiggling as he flew through the sky in 2016, and he soared into the seats and landed in a man’s popcorn. The United States government begged the man to return Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass, but the man said no and kept Ronald Reagan on his lap the whole game, and then he threw him in the garbage on his way out of the stadium. This was a humiliating day for Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass!
3. The grave robbers put sweet Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass on a throne in a T-shirt that said, “The King Of Being Fat”: This was terrible and bad to do! Ronald Reagan was not even that fat, and so when the grave robbers dug him up and did this to his wonderful carcass, it was very embarrassing in 2016.
4. The grave robbers placed sweet Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass onstage at Madison Square Garden and jolted it with electricity while “Here Comes The Sun” by The Beatles played so it looked like he was dancing: This started off being very nice. It was very wonderful to see Ronald Reagan doing a beautiful, electric dance to such a beautiful song, but then the grave robbers pumped him full of too much electricity, and his lips caught on fire, and the head of the CIA, John O. Brennan, had to run onstage and spray him in the face with a fire extinguisher.
5. This holiday season, the grave robbers once again dug up sweet Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass and dressed sweet Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass like Santa Claus and put him in the mall, and then when children approached him, they pumped him full of air, causing him to inflate like a blowfish and frighten the children away: This was the saddest thing that grave robbers did to Ronald Reagan’s carcass all year! So many kids ran up to sweet Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass excited to see Santa Claus, and then when they got close, the grave robbers would use a basketball pump to make Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass become huge like a blowfish and make the children run away shrieking. One of the kids got so scared when Ronald Reagan became huge with air that he shrieked and jabbed balloon Reagan in the stomach with a fork. This caused Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass to deflate rapidly and start flying all around the mall, and the children saw that he was dressed like Santa, and they all clapped for the flying Santa until sweet Ronald Reagan’s deflated carcass got sucked into an air vent and disappeared. This was so humiliating for sweet Ronald Reagan, and it was a miserable end to a miserable year for his carcass! Hopefully next year when the grave robbers dig up sweet Ronald Reagan’s wonderful carcass, they do nice and dignified things with it instead of making it embarrassed. Amen.
