With the crowd up on their feet and the opponent down for the count, there’s nothing quite as exhilarating (and devastating) as these celebrity finishers.
1. Showbiz Stunner
While David Letterman will be missed when he retires in 2015, it’s fair to say that very few will miss the Showbiz Stunner. What begins as a routine fireman’s carry ends in utter agony, as the Late Show host heaves you off his shoulders and sends your spine crashing down on his knee. Letterman first executed the move in 1986 on Charles Grodin during an interview segment and has since reprised it on dozens of occasions on his show—including at least six times on bandleader Paul Shaffer.
2. The Jack Slammer
When Peter Jackson gets that crazed look in his eyes and starts stomping his feet, you know you’re about to be transported to a world of pain. Delivering the reverse suplex from whatever high perch is available, a grumpy Jackson has been known to carry out the Jack Slammer on anyone who rubs him the wrong way, including—rumor has it—the entire cast of The Lovely Bones.
3. The Sheen Wing
Almost guaranteed to make you tap, Martin Sheen executes the Sheen Wing by applying a half nelson neck crank with his right arm while using his free hand to stretch out his opponent’s left arm, wrenching it backwards so that the elbow and shoulder ligaments hyperextend. Yeee-ouch!
4. Stirrups of Doom
When Lena Dunham took her unique comic sensibility to television, she also brought with her one of the most brutal finishers of all time. The writer-actor begins the Stirrups of Doom by lifting your legs into a stirrup position, after which she turns you over onto your stomach, and, still holding your legs, falls backwards so that your spine bows to a nearly 90-degree angle. According to insiders, there wasn’t even supposed to be a third season of Girls, but that was before an HBO executive found himself on the receiving end of this excruciating move.
5. The Tommy Bomb
First stunning his opponent with a kick to the stomach, Tommy Lee Jones signals the impending Tommy Bomb by forming a T with his hands and raising them high in the air. He then hoists his opponent onto his shoulders and bench-presses him upwards before dropping him into a piledriver position and knifing him headfirst into the ground. Good luck getting up from this one!
6. Con Air
More often than not, the last thing John Cusack’s opponents see before the end of a match are the bottoms of Cusack’s boots torpedoing toward their face. The Con Air has been known to K.O. men nearly twice Cusack’s size, with the High Fidelity actor launching from a full sprint into a front-facing dropkick that lands squarely on the chin. Once it hits you, you’ll be seeing stars—and not just Cusack.
7. Sister Twister
When you’re up against the tag team of the Olsen Twins, expect double the pain. Their patented Sister Twister finisher begins with Mary-Kate delivering a vicious kick to the side of the opponent’s head, causing them to spin violently 180 degrees into the arms of Ashley, who then drops the poor sap with a savage, spiraling DDT. Though the twins have been relatively peaceable in recent years, they brought the Sister Twister out of retirement during Fashion Week in 2013 when an over-aggressive paparazzo ignored their requests for privacy.
8. Sexy Boy Splash
“I’m feelin’ sexayyyy!!!!!” Mario “Boy Toy” Lopez’s famed catchphrase never fails to strike fear in the hearts of opponents, as hearing it generally signifies a heaping dose of hurt is coming up. First tying a cashmere sweater around his neck and ascending the highest nearby perch, the television host then turns to the crowd and kisses both of his oiled biceps before leaping skyward and plunging his knees directly into your torso. Sexy never hurt so bad!
