Whose Dark Knight is your favorite?

1. Harvey Keitel

“I’d be an older Batman, obviously, a little more dinged-up but wiser for it. I’ve been around the block, right? So I’m not beating guys’ lights out anymore; once I’ve dusted up some hood, maybe I take him to an all-night diner, buy him coffee and eggs, tell him some old crime-fighting yarns, flirt with the waitress, listen to his story, you know? Then I’d walk the guy home, shake his hand, and he’d wake up with, whaddya know, a crisp new $20 in his pocket.”

2. Tobey Maguire

“I want to believe I’d be fierce and courageous, but I know myself. I’d be a coward of a Batman, one who sits gripping the wheel of his huge idling car doing Reiki breathing and trying to get himself psyched up enough to call the police and tell them about the criminals he ran over.”

3. Oscar Isaac

“I’d be a real Joe Schmo Batman who’s always out in the driveway tinkering with his humongous car, the kind of Batman you’d want to have a beer with. A salt-of-the-earth, meat-and-potatoes Batman. I’d wear my batsuit with Timberlands and an old ‘Endless Summer’ T-shirt, and at dusk you’d catch me throwing boomerangs in a clearing. I’d be America’s Batman.”

4. Leonardo DiCaprio

“Honestly, I’d basically be more or less Keaton’s Batman, if that Batman wore flirty Bermuda shorts and stopped the Joker by stuffing his mouth full of black volcanic sand. Michael’s my gold standard.”

5. Don Cheadle

“The Batman who is sponsored by Goya and whose chest insignia says ‘GOYA’ and who publicly enjoys a refreshing Malta Goya after a long and scrappy evening on the prowl.”

6. Dev Patel

“As a Batman? Suave; debonaire. Impeccably shined boots. Always pulling white roses from thin air and stealing kisses from Catwoman. I would wear a silk kerchief and cummerbund, both snow-white so they pop. Of course, I’d have a fondness for crudités and hors d’oeuvres from my utility belt, so in no time flat I’d be all soft around the middle. Not a good look for a Batman, but I’d wear it with flair!”

7. Ed Harris

“I would be the Batman who is always looking for his adult son. Whenever I’d interrogate a criminal, I’d always make sure to ask if they’d seen my wayward grown-up boy, and if he looked prematurely aged, and whether he seemed confident and at ease. As I’d swoop through Gotham, I’d be howling his name: ‘Duane! Duane!’ I’d use bat technology to make my voice just deafening.”

8. Matthew Fox

“I would be the dampest Batman there ever was or will be.”