We don’t want to sound like backseat drivers here, but a head-scratching judgment call has left us feeling downright baffled: Your body is using a portion of the nourishing meal you just consumed to make new pubic hair.
Huh. Would not have been our first choice, honestly.
The big, healthy meal you just ate had it all: tons of vitamins, a full suite of amino acids, and plenty of caloric energy to put them all to good use. But rather than focus entirely on, say, building additional muscle mass or bolstering your immune system, your body has decided to earmark a bit of that bounty to generate a bunch of new pubic hair. And look, if you had gone nuts waxing or shaving recently, maybe we could understand it. But here’s the thing: pube-wise, you’re good right now. Your junk wants for nothing. But your body, for reasons beyond us, doesn’t see that as enough.
It’s not like your body is short on places that nutrition could have gone. Any of the mysterious cuts and bruises that pop up on your skin every so often would have been a prime contender in our book, but it seems that repairing the body’s main line of defense can wait if a couple dozen fresh pubic hairs are on the line. We’d also have considered generating a little extra serotonin to be a wise investment given how hard Seasonal Affective Disorder tends to hit this time of year, but again, your body apparently feels that a bumper crop of pubic hair takes precedence over your emotional experience of the world. You’d think if pubic hairs were such a big deal to your body, it wouldn’t keep shedding them all over your bathroom floor so cavalierly. Yet jettisoning these supposedly mission-critical pubic hairs only to turn right around and make more of them is exactly what it does.
What the hell, right?
Maybe, just maybe, your body knows something we don’t. Maybe a couple days from now you’ll be shaking your head and thanking your lucky stars you had just enough pubic hair to get through some life-or-death scenario lying in wait for you. It could happen. Of course, it also could happen that your body looks like an insane dumbass for prioritizing new pubes over adding bone density, improving alertness, or doing pretty much anything else. Our money’s on that until we see otherwise.
Wow, what a bonkers way to utilize your nutritional intake. We just hope that new pubic hair your body winds up with ends up being worth it.
