Shock. Heartbreak. Disgust. A teenager can experience many emotions when he finds out that his mom wasn’t able to fully get off during her previous night’s lovemaking session, but if you want to maintain an open and honest relationship with your son, he needs to know. Here are 7 tips for breaking the news to your son that his mom didn’t achieve orgasm the night before.
1. Don’t build it up too much.
Kids can sense when something is wrong, so avoid doing anything that will spike his anxiety such as texting him “We need to talk😢” or springing a surprise camping trip on him. Just bring a couple of Mountain Dews up to his room, ask him to take his headphones off, and tell him, “Look, there’s no easy way to do this, so I’m just going to come out and say it: Mom didn’t cum last night.” It’s not something he’s going to be happy about, but he’ll appreciate you telling it to him straight.
2. Make it abundantly clear that this was in no way his fault.
Kids have a tendency to blame anything that happens between their parents on themselves, whether it’s a fight, divorce, or their mom being unable to reach climax. He needs to know in no uncertain terms that he had nothing to do with it—it’s not the case that his mom failed to orgasm because she was upset about something he did or felt somehow disappointed in him. Emphasize that her not being able to cum was entirely her fault, and not at all his.
3. Make it abundantly clear that this was in no way your fault.
As much as you don’t want your son to blame himself for this tragedy, you also don’t want him to blame you. Make sure that he understands that sometimes it becomes harder for women to reach sexual climax as they get older, and that having a couple of kids certainly doesn’t help matters down there. Reassure him that you lasted plenty long and even went downtown for a while until his mom got up because she had to pee and then went out to the living room and turned on Homeland without letting you continue trying. You can also ease his mind by pointing out that she has a whole drawer of sex toys that you bought for her she could have used if she had really been having a hard time.
4. Make sure he knows you aren’t the only person that this has happened with.
Your son may have questions about whether this ever happened to mom before she met you, but he may not be comfortable asking them. That’s why it’s critical to be forthcoming with the information that yes, mom was with plenty of partners before she was with you and some of them weren’t able to bring her over the edge every time either. Ross, the stockbroker guy, her college roommate Susan…Mom wasn’t exactly batting a thousand with them, so what happened last night is perfectly normal and understandable. Your son needs to hear that loud and clear.
5. Try using metaphors relating to topics a teenage boy will understand, like sports or Pokémon or whatever.
Teenagers process difficult information better if it’s couched in language they can relate to, like baseball or anime metaphors. Remind your son that Pikachu doesn’t win every Pokémon battle, Mike Trout doesn’t knock it out of the park every at-bat, and Mom doesn’t cum every time she gets pounded. But they all get up, brush themselves off, and try again. Putting it into terms his developing brain can grasp is critical for making sure this experience isn’t any more traumatic than it needs to be.
6. Remind him of all the times his mom has gotten off.
It’s easy to focus on the negative of this one disappointing experience, but the reality is, back on New Year’s Eve 2016, Mom got off four times in a two hour period. Your son needs to be aware of the numerous times his mother has had lip-biting, back-tearing, earth-shattering orgasms throughout her long and illustrious cumming career as a reminder that even if things are bad right now, they haven’t always been, and won’t always be in the future.
7. Reassure him that, while you can’t make any promises, you’ll do your best to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
Knowing that, no matter how poorly things went last night, you’re committed to making sure that Mom gets off in the future is critical to your son recovering from the experience of learning his mom didn’t have an orgasm the last time you guys banged. Look him in the eye, tell him you love him and his mother, and give him your word that he’s going to hear Mom screaming your name through his bedroom wall at 8:45 PM in no time. In the end, that’s all the poor little guy really needs to hear.
