Our president promised to run our government like a business, and love it or hate it, he’s keeping his word: The Trump administration has announced a new tier of U.S. citizenship where for $15.99 a month you get unlimited popcorn.
Hey, if you enjoy popcorn and being an American citizen, this is not a bad deal!
In a press conference this morning, President Trump unveiled “All-You-Can-Pop Citizenship Elite+,” a premium class of U.S. citizenship that comes with as much popcorn as you want in exchange for a monthly fee. He explained that the citizenship upgrade will make “delicious, fresh popcorn available wherever you go.” Refusing to elaborate on exactly where or how people will be able to access their All-You-Can-Pop Citizenship benefits, President Trump simply reiterated that “you’ll have all the popcorn you could possibly want, wherever and whenever you want, and it will be the freshest popcorn you’ve ever had. It’s as fresh as popcorn gets. I’ve ordered the entire National Guard to start popping popcorn right now. They’re going to have hot popcorn that will be so hot and ready for everyone to eat.”
“All you have to do is bring your license to the White House, and we’ll write ‘Popcorn’ on it, take your credit card information, and wow, now you’ll have fresh popcorn all the time,” Trump continued, before ejecting a reporter who asked if he’d tasted the popcorn himself. “If every American upgraded to the unlimited popcorn tier of citizenship—which they really should, because Joe Biden made it impossible to get popcorn if you’re a U.S. citizen, and now no one even wants to be a citizen, because of him—the federal government could pay off our national debt fifty times over. It’s such a good deal for everyone, it really is, and it will be.”
Wow. What do you think? Is $15.99 worth it for federally guaranteed popcorn?
Without a doubt, Trump is pushing policies that no president before him has ever dared to try. If he can make the United States the first country to offer a reasonably priced popcorn subscription to its citizens, it will be historic. What an exciting option for all Americans!
