The future is ever fraught with peril, and in the face of such uncertainty, all we wretched pawns of fate may do is fully live every moment as though it may be our last: This man just rotated in a fresh pair of earplugs before going to bed.
If indeed these be our final hours on earth, let them be without regret!
One day, we all must die. Perhaps soon, perhaps a great many years from now. But should death find Noah Sampson tomorrow, he may greet it with open arms, for tonight he is casting aside his current gunked-up pair of nighttime earplugs to enjoy the incomparable worldly comforts of a fresh pair in their stead. Tonight, he says no to the accumulation of several days’ worth of wax, and yes to those divine joys to which only a living body may serve as vessel. And though a carbon monoxide leak or inexperienced city bus driver may indeed pluck the breath from his breast once the sun rises on the morn, nothing in this world or the next can take from him the singular bliss of the yet untarnished, pristine foam plugs that rest inside his ear canals tonight.
Could Sampson have gotten another night out of the old pair? Aye, he could have, as surely as he could have supped on rotten mutton and washed it down with stale water from a ditch. We all may choose to live our lives so meekly and without pleasure that death should seem an improvement of our lot. But shall we? Shall we simply brook the itchiness of an old pair of earplugs, their uncomfortable vague dampness, the slightly increased time it takes for them to expand and form a tight, noise-blocking seal? Turn now to Sampson’s beatific smile as he lays freshly plugged ear upon pillow, and see how he answers: No.
NO.
NO! We shall seize the pleasures of life gladly and with heedless abandon, leaving cowards to squander their days rationing earplugs while we exult in the raptures of a fresh pair as kings! Come, ye dangerously slippery bathroom floors, ye unexpected adverse interactions between our allergy medicines and SSRIs, ye salmonella outbreaks from Hormel Turkey Pepperonis packaged in Beloit, Wisconsin between November and March! Come and do your very worst to still our beating hearts upon the new day, for having lived so tonight, our spirits may never die!
Whatever lies ahead, tonight is yours, dear Sampson. May the relish with which you enjoyed your new earplugs echo forth into eternity as legend.
