What would it take for you to unfriend someone on Facebook? If you’re like most people, you do it sparingly, and not for something like someone having a different opinion. But 26-year-old Tyler Fournier is not like most people: This despotic maniac rules with an iron fist of callous indifference, unfriending anyone who dares go against something he posts.
Tyler has 679 friends, and all of them are on warning. Think carefully before you post, comment, or share, because each action could be your last before being thrown from the bountiful realm of Tyler’s thoughts, opinions, and snarky comments. And there you shall remain for eternity.
That’s what happened to Mike Helmsley, in a tragic story that is now the stuff of legend. Mike was unfriended by Tyler for commenting on one of Tyler’s statuses, in which Tyler was voraciously arguing about the unfairness of the minimum wage. Tyler could not allow this dissidence, and Mike paid the ultimate price. Mike wasn’t done, though—he sent Tyler a friend request hoping for entry back into Tyler’s graces, but it went unanswered, neither accepted nor declined. Some say the request languishes in this cruel purgatory to this day.
Tyler knows not of forgiveness. His decisions are swift and final. He is unswayed by human compassion of any variety.
There are still some who remember the old days, when Tyler’s heart was kind and not yet hardened. There are tales of Tyler remaining friends with people from high school—even those who would post articles about global warming and gay marriage that went against his own opinion. But those days, if they ever existed, are in the distant past now. Tyler wields his unfriending weapon cruelly—even posting an article about cute hedgehogs that the uncompromising autocrat is “sick and tired of seeing” can result in the ultimate punishment.
Ruling with an iron fist would be selling Tyler’s reign short. Here are a few examples of what got former friends banished recently:
Jenna Cho marked “Attending” on Tyler’s Sons Of Anarchy viewing party but didn’t show up.
Jason Sproul posted an article about the historical inaccuracies of Gladiator.
Mark Cole commented on Tyler’s post about the United States’ need to stop acting like world police and his comment got more likes than Tyler’s original post.
Kirsten Lewis didn’t like any of Tyler’s pictures over a six-month period.
Every so often, Tyler will post a comment on a mutual friend’s status, and only then will exiled former friends get a taste of the riches of their former lives, when Tyler’s thoughts and opinions were theirs to relish in at their leisure. Now, the cold scrap of an “lol” on a GIF of a dog falling off a deck is the only light in their lives of complete darkness.
The poor souls banished by Tyler are robbed of the opportunity to see what videos he’ll post. Tyler does not bend to reason or emotion; his black heart only serves to make the lives of those who stand in his way a frigid hell. You have been warned.
