Ready to feel old? Here are some facts about the incoming high school freshman class that will definitely blow your mind.
1. First off, they’re graduating in 2018. They’re the class of 2018.
2. They never lived in a world with monthly texting limits.
3. Their parents weren’t even born until 1997.
4. When you say “telephone,” they picture one of these:
5. None of them have vestigial tails.
6. Mel Martinez was the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development when they were born.
7. The phrase, “I’m going to go do a big Sony Discman forever and Spice Girls…LimeWire” means absolutely nothing to them.
8. To them, ’N Sync refers to this:
9. They grew up in a world where The Phantom Menace was the only Star Wars movie.
10. They’re 100 percent bisexual, so get used to it.
11. They’re always doing this for some reason, and we don’t know why:
12. If President Jimmy Carter were their age, he’d be entering high school right now.
13. The band Everclear is just “Dad” to them.
14. They feel nothing, fear nothing. They leave all behind and carry nothing with them.
15. To them, Matthew McConaughey looks like this:
Not like this:
16. They live in a post-American Idol Season 3 Runner-Up Diana DeGarmo World.
17. Most have never owned intelligent emeralds, terminated a Deviant, or merged their neural architecture with WatchNet.
18. Probably couldn’t handle a real fucking cup of coffee.
19. None of them ever had an enormous crush on Bruce.
20. Their life experiences tend to differ slightly from yours because they were born after you and the world is constantly changing.
21. All of them were born on 9/11.
22. They are 100 percent polyester.
23. By the time they graduate college, you will be dead.
