If you’re not a parent, you just don’t get it!

1. “Look at my satchel—it contains nary a child!”

Yeah, yeah, we know your satchel is empty while ours is filled with wailing babes. No need to rub it in.

2. “Want to jump in this open manhole I found?”

We wish we could still leap into the dark void of an unsealed manhole, but now we have responsibilities waiting for us back home.

3. “Why isn’t the floor of your house covered with live king crabs anymore?”

It’s called baby-proofing, okay? Not all of us can keep a veritable shag carpet of sharp-clawed marine life pinching everything in our homes anymore.

4. “A daughter is a kind of descendant, but a mother is a kind of ancestor.”

LOL at the idea that parents don’t already know this!

5. “You had your son yesterday, and tomorrow he will turn 10 years old.”

Ugh. People just don’t get how things work for parents.

6. “You are also my parents.”

No, okay? Just because we are the parents of a child doesn’t mean we are also your parents, single friend. Got it?

7. “I sold your child to a wandering merchant in exchange for a brass ring that protects its wearer from all harm.”

Come on, you fell for that? That peddler was just a simple con man, and you traded our kid for a worthless trinket.

8. “Earthquake!”

We get it. You have no responsibilities and can just have an earthquake whenever you feel like it. We, however, have a child who depends on us for survival. Try and get that through your head, all right?