Circumcision—the removal of the penishead-skin—is an ethically sound procedure that frees men of the burden of penile sensitivity. It has numerous benefits, such as encouraging penile hygiene, as well as giving people a good guess at your religion based on your penile appearance alone. But is this procedure possible?
The myth of circumcision has been perpetuated throughout history, with allusions to the fabled act appearing in a wide variety of sources, including The Bible and ClickHole.com. But to this day, no successful circumcisions have been performed.
If we are ever going to achieve the dream of circumcision, we must figure our way past several obstacles, outlined below.
Location
Removing the penishead-skin requires locating the penis of the to-be-circumcised. Unfortunately, only the to-be-circumcised’s spouse knows the location of their penis. To ensure safety, timeliness, and precision, all circumcisions must be performed by one’s spouse, not one’s doctor.
Budget
The projected cost of a circumcision is $90,000-130,000. Though perhaps there would be a way to reduce cost by offering a two-for-one deal, which could be good news for those with more than one penis/penile object.
The Balls
Is this procedure possible on the scrotalball-skin as well? If you’ve already gone through the trouble of locating the groinal area and sterilizing the surgical equipment, surely it would be worth a try.
The Tool
I imagine that circumcisions would require a very particular medical tool. Below is my proposed prototype:
In Conclusion
While circumcision research sadly remains underfunded with many resources going toward Alzeheimer’s research instead, I implore spouses of the to-be-circumcised to attempt circumcisions on their own, as it may be the only way to finally make the fiction of circumcision a reality.
EXCERPT PUBLISHED WITH AUTHOR’S PERMISSION FROM “Don’t F*#k On The First Date, And Other Modern Dating Rules That Were Meant To Be Broken” OUT OCTOBER 15, 2024.
