If you’re sober, chances are you’ve heard more than a few of these things.

1. “Not even from the Stanley Cup?”

2. “What’s the matter, mouth really bad with fluids or something?”

3. “Could you drive me home? And by ‘me’ I mean ‘my delivery truck,’ and by ‘home’ I mean ‘to Pierre, South Dakota.’”

4. “I imagine all the buildings as tall beers. The people I imagine as short beers.”

5. “If I pour some into a pan, will you at least soak your feet in it?”

6. “Mike Teavee didn’t drink either and look where he ended up! Tiny little Mike Teavee. To him, a chocolate bar is big now.”

7. “What if I told you I was the CEO of Blue Moon Brewing Co. and that it would mean the world to me if you tasted our newest IPA and gave me some feedback?”

8. “Okay, but you still eat the pint glass, right?”