Their music may be timeless, but they age just like the rest of us. When these musicians reach the twilight of their lives, we’ll be there to massage their aching limbs in a soothing sponge bath.
1. Flea
Should the day come when the RHCP bassist is bedridden, we’ll make sure to gently wash him once a day, treating his bedsores with a calming palliative ointment of sodium bicarbonate.
2. Nicki Minaj
If an aged Nicki Minaj begins to lose her faculties, we’ll be there to comfort her and make sure the water is just the right temperature to ease her chronic joint pain.
3. Nelly
When an 89-year-old Nelly is too weak to care for himself, we’ll gladly visit his geriatric care facility, run him a warm bath, and read him the sports section.
4. St. Vincent
St. Vincent’s Annie Clark definitely shreds on the guitar. But years from now, when her fingers are too gnarled to play and her life is nearing its end, it would be an honor to gently massage her arthritic hands with a soothing herbal curative.
5. Yo-Yo Ma
He has given us so much wonderful music over the years, so it’s only right that we should be the ones to fondly lather renowned cellist Yo-Yo Ma with aromatic bath oils in the sunset of his life.
6. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
When “Thrift Shop” collaborators Macklemore and Ryan Lewis get to that age when they can’t get around like they once could, they can count on us to regularly bathe them and bring them their groceries.
7. Robyn
We’d be more than happy to tenderly clothe Robyn’s withered octogenarian body, change her bedpan, and keep her mind active by doing crosswords with her every night.
8. The Drummer From Foo Fighters
Unless the drummer from Foo Fighters’ final years of life are filled with laughter, joy, and plenty of relaxing steam baths, we won’t feel like we’ve done our job.
9. One Direction
When the members of One Direction are nearing the end, we will be there. When Niall and Harry can no longer walk, when Louis and Liam have lost their eyesight, and when Zayn’s every breath is a quiet struggle, we will be there. With calming bath crystals and a tub large enough to accommodate all of their fragile forms at once, we will ease their discomfort with tender, loving care, and gently nurture them as they journey from this world to the next.
